Finding Blessings in Life’s Storms

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“Sometimes you have to experience the bad, so that you can learn how to appreciate the good things that enter your life.”

– Leon Brown

One day, I called one of my best friends and expressed my frustrations with how my life was going at the moment. I was so defeated and extremely exhausted from life’s storms constantly raining on my parade.

My best friend simply told me, “Everything in life happens for a reason. We go through things that shape us into who we are. Those lessons in life are placed there to help us become the best version of ourselves. Those “bad” moments will help you grow!

After our conversation, I decided to take a look at those “bad” moments and find small goods in every situation.

I had to sit down and figure out what was this “storm” trying to teach me? What was the lesson(s) and how can I make myself better?


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I went through a “financial storm.” Let’s just say I had a lot of money, and I didn’t know what to do with it. Due to my lack of financial literacy, I had to experience what it felt like trying to survive with less than $10 in my pockets. This “storm” of poor money management taught me that having a savings account, learning how to budget and living below my means was imperative!

I went through a painful “relationship storm” that almost knocked me off my feet. This “storm” of heartbreak taught me that I needed to love myself more than anyone else. I needed to place myself on a pedestal and mend my relationship with me.

The “friendship storm” blindsided me. Walking away from a long-time friendship is never easy but this “storm” taught me that some people are seasonal. Not everyone is meant to be on your life’s journey for a long time.

The “family storm” came in with a vengeance. This “storm” taught me that sometimes your own family doesn’t have the best intentions for you.

The “grief storm” pops up in our lives randomly. We never know the time or the day when we’ll experience loss in our lives. This “storm” taught me to love on my loved ones while they’re here and never take a second of life for granted.


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We can’t appreciate good days without learning lessons from the bad moments. We would not be able to grow without those healing moments. Although life’s “storms” may not have felt good in the moment, they’ve truly opened my eyes and allowed me to heal parts of myself that needed healing.

We may never understand why certain situations in life happens, but in order to enjoy and appreciate the sunshine you have to go through a little rain. You have to find blessings in every lesson.


Love always,

Believe you can and you’re halfway there. — Theodore Roosevelt”

My Negative Thoughts Made Loving Me So Hard

Our words have power. They impact others, but they also impact us…” – Michael Hyatt

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Do you remember the childhood phrase: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?”

As a child, I thought this was saying was true until I realized in my adult years that words actually can hurt us. Especially, words that we direct towards ourselves.

I remember in my college psychology class, my professor passed around index cards and asked us to write down any negative feelings we may feel about ourselves. She then instructed us to turn the index card over and write all positive things.

My professor then asked us to have a transparent moment. “If you wrote down more negatives than positives raise your hand?” Majority of the class including myself raised our hands.

“Now, raise your hand if it was easier to write about the negatives more than the positives?” The same number of hands went up in the air.

“Why is it so easy to focus on the negative more than the positive? I challenge you to become more mindful of all negative thoughts, feelings, words that you think and speak about yourself! I promise, you’ll see a drastic change within yourself when you put more focus on the positives!” She then dismissed lecture for the day.


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I decided to take on my professor’s challenge and work on the way I viewed myself.

That’s when I began using daily positive “affirmations” to help combat my negative thoughts. I wanted to start seeing myself in a positive light. I wanted to see if my life would really change.

I became so accustomed to thinking negative beliefs about myself, rather they were my own thoughts or from others that I started truly believing them, even if they weren’t true. I didn’t know that my negative thoughts played such a huge role on my mental health. I didn’t know that my thoughts made loving myself so hard.

Which is why during this journey of positive thinking, I found it extremely difficult at first focusing on all positives. My negative thoughts kept arising, trying to take over the positive words I was trying to instill into myself. But I kept speaking those affirmations, even on the days when I didn’t believe my own words and as the days went by my negative thoughts slowly went away. Not all the way but we were making progress. A step towards loving myself.

That’s when I learned that our words and thoughts are powerful, and we have to be mindful of what we say. My self-love, self-worth and confidence has grown drastically. I went from being the “BUT” woman: “I love my smile, but I wish my lips were smaller,” or “I love my body, but I wish I was 20 lbs. lighter.” To taking the word “but” completely out of my vocabulary.

I view myself so differently now and I will say my positive mindset has changed my life.

Remember words have power. Think happy thoughts about yourself. Speak positive affirmations into the atmosphere.

You’re AMAZING, WORTHY and DESERVE NOTHING BUT THE BEST IN LIFE!

Let’s continue to grow in every area of our lives every day. Starting with the way we view and speak to ourselves.


Love,

I’m Always A Bridesmaid Never The Bride


Why does it seem like everyone is finding their happily ever after but me?

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Everyday on social media, you see couples getting married, creating families, and buying homes. Although you are happy for them it’s a bittersweet moment for you. Seeing others being in happy relationships and you’re still struggling to find someone who is compatible with you. You’re thinking about giving up on love and worried that you may never know what it feels like to upgrade from bridesmaid to wife.


Song of Solomon 8:4 states “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so delights…”


It’s so important to enjoy yourself during this season of singleness. Don’t look at singleness as being a bad thing because it definitely has its benefits. Enjoy this season, embrace the journey and give yourself the love that you desire from someone else. This is the season as a bridesmaid where you can solely focus on yourself, create your own happiness, and become whole first before connecting with someone else.

Maybe love hasn’t come yet because you still have work to do within yourself. So, during your bridesmaid season figure out who you are and reflect on past relationship mistakes so you can avoid them in your new relationship. Get serious about what you want, need and desire from a spouse. Write down a list of Non-Negotiables that you will not tolerate in your new relationship. Unpack any unresolved negative feelings you may have towards men, love and relationships. Become madly in love with yourself, constantly improve yourself and become the best version of YOU that you can be.


Believe in divine timing and know that love will find you when it’s time.


The love that you are craving is on the way but it will only come when: 1) You are ready. 2) You aren’t obsessing over love. 3) Your happy with who you are. 4) You have done the self work.

Remember “What’s meant for you will always be for you no one can take that away.”

Your perfect person is somewhere out there waiting and preparing for you as well. Until you both find each other be content and happy in singleness. Continue to improve yourself in every aspect of your life.

Enjoy being the bridesmaid until it’s time for you to become the bride.


Love,

#DearEx, I Am More Than What The Eyes Can See


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You don’t really know me. You never took the time to know me. You never took the time to understand me. All you wanted to do was admire my flowers. The beautiful parts of me. You never took the time to dig deeper. To see my roots. To show you the best parts of me that goes beyond the surface. You just fell in love with the beauty of me. You fell in love with what you could see. My flowers.

Flowers are beautiful and delicate. We love to admire their beauty but some flowers if you dig deeper than the surface. Connect with their roots you will see they have a story to tell. There are flowers that still need to grow and are not ready to be picked yet. Flowers that still need to heal. Flowers that need to be nourish. Flowers that are wilting and needs to be revive. There is more to a flower than what the eyes can see.


What will a beautiful flower be without its roots?


Once my petals started falling one by one. You slowly drifted away. You didn’t stay around to see my petals grow again. You didn’t try to understand that I’m more than my flowers. My roots are what actually defines me. They give my flowers, the beautiful parts of me that you enjoyed so much, life. My roots are the foundation of who I am.

From this day forward, a person can not and will not fall in love with only half of me. My flowers. Without connecting with the beautiful parts of me first which are my roots. From this day forward a person will and must love all of me because I am a flower who has more to offer than what the eyes can see. I’m a flower who will allow herself to grow, heal, blossom and be nourished. A delicate flower who deserves the best. A beautiful flower who will be appreciated for every single thing she has to offer. Roots included.


Stay Beautiful My Queen,

blog-2
– Poem inspired by this drawing –
* I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS PICTURE *

6 Women In Their 20’s Give Relationship Advice To Other Young Couples

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Everyone has a different definition of what love means to them. I’ve had someone compare relationships to working a 9-to-5 job. Some have said love is one of the most beautiful emotions you will ever experience in life. Then you have some who says love is hard and painful. Relationships definitely aren’t easy but with work, patience and effort you can create something beautiful with that someone special.

I really enjoyed talking to these six ladies and receiving the amazing advice they gave me regarding their relationships. They have been in their relationships for a while and know exactly what it’s takes to maintain a serious relationship. If you are looking for great relationship advice look no further. Keep reading to see what these women ranging from ages 23-27 has to say about love and relationships.


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#1: We’ve been together for 3 years

What steps do you take to make the relationship feel “alive”?

  • Telling him how much he means to me, how handsome he is and remind him who he is in God. My boyfriend makes it a priority to carve out time for us. He often holds my hand, sits close to me, or cuddles me. Also, we found out our love languages. Once we started feeding each other our love languages the relationship started growing more!

How do you deal with difficult times/conflict?

  • We allow each other time (a couple of hours) to calm down and rethink.

What advice would you give to other young couples?

  • Don’t go into a relationship thinking it’ll change you or make you happy. The right relationship will expose your insecurities and help you grow. The right person will notice your worth and will do what it takes to keep you. Pray together and make your desires known. It’s important to communicate effectively. Compromising is key.

#3: We’ve been together for 10 years now

Why do you think you and your partner have made it this far?

  • We continuously evolve for each other into the person we want the most. Asking each other what we can do to make the other happy and satisfied. Trying new things and changing it up especially in the bedroom. Great chemistry, having a significant amount of things in common and laughter. We’re literally best friends who tell each other everything!! I feel that we’re made for one another. All the times that we’ve separated we always found a way back to each other. If that isn’t love and god then I don’t know sh**.

How do you deal with difficult times/conflict?

  • Trying to understand one another by listening to each other’s feelings and thoughts. Talking about issues before they explode into something that doesn’t need to happen. Also, not making each other’s feelings invalid to try and validate why we’re right about whatever the issue is. Listening and communication are the most integral parts of a relationship.

What advice would you give to other young couples?

  • Make alone time for each other, keep getting to know your partner, and don’t try changing each other or it won’t last. Change will occur if they want you bad enough but they’re only changing a few qualities. So, be understanding of who they are already!! When you fall on hard times remember why you fell in love and what you love about them most. Be faithful nothing hurts more than infidelity. Not everyone is disposable! Seek counseling if necessary. Be able to forgive, understand and move forward from experiences with your partner that might have been dissatisfying. Even if the relationship is in shambles be able to talk through it. It’s going to take more than a day to figure it out. You have to work at it so don’t give up so easily. It takes a lot of work to maintain a healthy relationship so always remember to communicate.


#2: We’ve been together for 1 year 5 months and counting

How do you deal with difficult times/conflict?

  • We’re still working on this but I would definitely say communication. It’s hard during conflict to let things go but try not to hold on to grudges and forgive each other.

What is helping you to stay together with your spouse?

  • We’re still together because we still want each other!! We enjoy each other and have fun together.

What advice would you give to other young couples?

  • No one’s relationship is the same so don’t compare. Communicate and keep intimacy in your relationship.

#4: We’ve been together for 1 year

How do you show love and appreciation to your spouse?

  • I’ll cook dinner often so that when he gets off he can have something to eat. I surprise him with random gifts. We still tell each other have a great day and to drive safely even if we’re upset with each other. Also, we buy each other’s favorite snacks…yes we are both fatties (lol).

How do you deal with difficult times/conflict?

  • We talk it out and try to see from both points of view, give each other space and try to look at the bigger picture.

What advice would you give to other young couples?

  • Trust each other, speak up if you’re feeling some type of way about a situation, have fun together and be fair. Try to have a mutual understanding of each other.

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#5: In a relationship for 1 year and 2 months

What are some important factors in your relationship?  

  • Love, laughter, friendship, and being completely comfortable with each other. Being able to bond and connect on a deeper level. Tons of laughs and fun by just being goofy, silly and roasting each other daily lol. We just really enjoy being together.

How do you deal with difficult times/conflicts?

  • By not yelling at each other. Instead, we listen to try and understand each other. Space is necessary sometimes because you don’t want to say something out of anger in the heat of the moment. So, walking away for a few to gather your thoughts and emotions can help. Praying also helps us as well.

What advice would you give to other young couples?

  • Healthy relationships are important!!! It’s hard to find a great woman/man so if you found someone who makes you genuinely happy then hold on to them. Every relationship will have its problems. Figure out what’s wrong and work on it TOGETHER. Also, when you’re spending time together stay off your phones and just enjoy each other with no distractions.

#6: 3 years in my relationship

How do you deal with difficult times/conflict?

  • Time, conflict resolution, and communication.

Why do you think you and your partner have made it this far?

  • Love. Definitely hasn’t been a cake walk but we’re still learning and exploring. We’re committed to continuing growing with each other by not giving up and being complacent.

What advice would you give to other young couples?

  • Have patience, don’t throw in the towel when the first argument comes up. Remember your morals and don’t settle.

Love,

“Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary. – Oscar Wilde”

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