How To Survive Valentine’s Day For Singles
Couples shouldn’t be the only ones having fun on Valentine’s Day.
1. Girl’s Night In
2. Stay off of social media
3. Be your own Valentine’s Date
4. Don’t be tempted to text an ex
5. Distract yourself with your favorite hobbies
6. Gift exchange with friends and family
7. Spa Day
8. Call it an early night
Why Is Dating In This Generation So Complicated !?
“We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together…” This one line from Drake’s song “Doing It Wrong” instantly pops in my mind when I think of dating in today’s generation.
In my opinion, I must say dating has become complicated and sometimes tiresome. We want the “perks” of what a relationship can bring without putting in the work.
I’m currently living in a generation where:
- You’re praised for having multiple partners or “hoes.”
- Where being emotionally unavailable is cool and if you show public appreciation towards your partner you are instantly called a “Simp.” (Ex: Russell Wilson)
- A generation where you are told having a bond is way better than having a title.
- Where we hear statements such as “I’m not ready for a relationship right now but we can still go on dates, have sex, and do everything people in relationships do but remember we aren’t together.”
- “Situationships” also known as “Friends with Benefits” are thriving more than real relationships.
- A generation who is afraid to use titles and labels.
- Where everything from music, television shows, movies etc. are being over-sexualized.
- “Toxic” relationships are being glorified and “healthy” relationships are called boring.
- A place where it’s all about body counts and temporary feelings.
- Where everything is rushed and dating for pleasure is more acceptable than dating with a purpose.
The hopeless romantic in me would honestly like to know what happened!? Why don’t we date anymore!?
- What happened to building and developing a special bond with that “special person?”
- What happened to stimulating conversations? Not blowing my phone up with “Wyd?” text every five minutes.
- What happened to connecting with someone mentally, spiritually, and emotionally before hopping into their bed?
- WHAT HAPPENED TO REAL DATES!? and yes, “Netflix and Chill” is not a date!!
As a whole I wish we would start dating with a purpose again. Becoming more intentional about finding the right partner. Spending less time in the bedroom and more time connecting with a person on other levels.
More time building genuine friendships with each other. Creating our own relationship goals. Being intentional about healing before getting into relationships. Being honest about our wants and desires.
We have to stop running away from love. We have to stop playing games when it comes to the matters of the heart.
Let’s not be the generation who has completely given up on love!! ❤
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Finding Blessings in Life’s Storms
“Sometimes you have to experience the bad, so that you can learn how to appreciate the good things that enter your life.”– Leon Brown
One day, I called one of my best friends and expressed my frustrations with how my life was going at the moment. I was so defeated and extremely exhausted from life’s storms constantly raining on my parade.
My best friend simply told me, “Everything in life happens for a reason. We go through things that shape us into who we are. Those lessons in life are placed there to help us become the best version of ourselves. Those “bad” moments will help you grow!“
After our conversation, I decided to take a look at those “bad” moments and find small goods in every situation.
I had to sit down and figure out what was this “storm” trying to teach me? What was the lesson(s) and how can I make myself better?
I went through a “financial storm.” Let’s just say I had a lot of money, and I didn’t know what to do with it. Due to my lack of financial literacy, I had to experience what it felt like trying to survive with less than $10 in my pockets. This “storm” of poor money management taught me that having a savings account, learning how to budget and living below my means was imperative!
I went through a painful “relationship storm” that almost knocked me off my feet. This “storm” of heartbreak taught me that I needed to love myself more than anyone else. I needed to place myself on a pedestal and mend my relationship with me.
The “friendship storm” blindsided me. Walking away from a long-time friendship is never easy but this “storm” taught me that some people are seasonal. Not everyone is meant to be on your life’s journey for a long time.
The “family storm” came in with a vengeance. This “storm” taught me that sometimes your own family doesn’t have the best intentions for you.
The “grief storm” pops up in our lives randomly. We never know the time or the day when we’ll experience loss in our lives. This “storm” taught me to love on my loved ones while they’re here and never take a second of life for granted.
We can’t appreciate good days without learning lessons from the bad moments. We would not be able to grow without those healing moments. Although life’s “storms” may not have felt good in the moment, they’ve truly opened my eyes and allowed me to heal parts of myself that needed healing.
We may never understand why certain situations in life happens, but in order to enjoy and appreciate the sunshine you have to go through a little rain. You have to find blessings in every lesson.
“Believe you can and you’re halfway there. — Theodore Roosevelt”
My Negative Thoughts Made Loving Me So Hard
“Our words have power. They impact others, but they also impact us…” – Michael Hyatt
Do you remember the childhood phrase: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?”
As a child, I thought this was saying was true until I realized in my adult years that words actually can hurt us. Especially, words that we direct towards ourselves.
I remember in my college psychology class, my professor passed around index cards and asked us to write down any negative feelings we may feel about ourselves. She then instructed us to turn the index card over and write all positive things.
My professor then asked us to have a transparent moment. “If you wrote down more negatives than positives raise your hand?” Majority of the class including myself raised our hands.
“Now, raise your hand if it was easier to write about the negatives more than the positives?” The same number of hands went up in the air.
“Why is it so easy to focus on the negative more than the positive? I challenge you to become more mindful of all negative thoughts, feelings, words that you think and speak about yourself! I promise, you’ll see a drastic change within yourself when you put more focus on the positives!” She then dismissed lecture for the day.
I decided to take on my professor’s challenge and work on the way I viewed myself.
That’s when I began using daily positive “affirmations” to help combat my negative thoughts. I wanted to start seeing myself in a positive light. I wanted to see if my life would really change.
I became so accustomed to thinking negative beliefs about myself, rather they were my own thoughts or from others that I started truly believing them, even if they weren’t true. I didn’t know that my negative thoughts played such a huge role on my mental health. I didn’t know that my thoughts made loving myself so hard.
Which is why during this journey of positive thinking, I found it extremely difficult at first focusing on all positives. My negative thoughts kept arising, trying to take over the positive words I was trying to instill into myself. But I kept speaking those affirmations, even on the days when I didn’t believe my own words and as the days went by my negative thoughts slowly went away. Not all the way but we were making progress. A step towards loving myself.
That’s when I learned that our words and thoughts are powerful, and we have to be mindful of what we say. My self-love, self-worth and confidence has grown drastically. I went from being the “BUT” woman: “I love my smile, but I wish my lips were smaller,” or “I love my body, but I wish I was 20 lbs. lighter.” To taking the word “but” completely out of my vocabulary.
I view myself so differently now and I will say my positive mindset has changed my life.
Remember words have power. Think happy thoughts about yourself. Speak positive affirmations into the atmosphere.
You’re AMAZING, WORTHY and DESERVE NOTHING BUT THE BEST IN LIFE!
Let’s continue to grow in every area of our lives every day. Starting with the way we view and speak to ourselves.
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I’m Always A Bridesmaid Never The Bride
Why does it seem like everyone is finding their happily ever after but me?
Everyday on social media, you see couples getting married, creating families, and buying homes. Although you are happy for them it’s a bittersweet moment for you. Seeing others being in happy relationships and you’re still struggling to find someone who is compatible with you. You’re thinking about giving up on love and worried that you may never know what it feels like to upgrade from bridesmaid to wife.
Song of Solomon 8:4 states “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so delights…”
It’s so important to enjoy yourself during this season of singleness. Don’t look at singleness as being a bad thing because it definitely has its benefits. Enjoy this season, embrace the journey and give yourself the love that you desire from someone else. This is the season as a bridesmaid where you can solely focus on yourself, create your own happiness, and become whole first before connecting with someone else.
Maybe love hasn’t come yet because you still have work to do within yourself. So, during your bridesmaid season figure out who you are and reflect on past relationship mistakes so you can avoid them in your new relationship. Get serious about what you want, need and desire from a spouse. Write down a list of Non-Negotiables that you will not tolerate in your new relationship. Unpack any unresolved negative feelings you may have towards men, love and relationships. Become madly in love with yourself, constantly improve yourself and become the best version of YOU that you can be.
Believe in divine timing and know that love will find you when it’s time.
The love that you are craving is on the way but it will only come when: 1) You are ready. 2) You aren’t obsessing over love. 3) Your happy with who you are. 4) You have done the self work.
Remember “What’s meant for you will always be for you no one can take that away.”
Your perfect person is somewhere out there waiting and preparing for you as well. Until you both find each other be content and happy in singleness. Continue to improve yourself in every aspect of your life.
Enjoy being the bridesmaid until it’s time for you to become the bride.
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